I have a secret…I can’t make coffee.

There I’ve said it. It’s out in the open. I have confessed. The dreaded dark secret that has been hanging over my head for all these years – I do not have a single clue how to make a cup of coffee.

Working in an office, especially a design agency that relies heavily on the heady highs of caffeine in the morning, a transgression of this magnitude is a sin of the highest order. I purposefully hang back, waiting for the more skilled baristas amongst us to take the lead in whipping up the first round of hot beverages in the office. I silently watch in awe as they deftly hand out the freshly made cups of joy to an eager and sleepy-eyed team, fully aware that at some point in the day I will need to pull my weight in the hot-drinks making rota. So, palms sweaty with nerves, head dizzy with the looming pressure, I wait for the opportune moment – namely when the major coffee players are out gallavanting around Berkshire – and haphazardly scramble about in the kitchen instant-making the cr**p out of some suspicious looking Americano granules. Head down, I scuttle away and pray that everyone is too polite to point out the terrible job I’ve made of their much-needed coffee top-up.

I am a tea drinker, I can quite competently make a good cuppa, and as we’ve just discovered, I can even make an (heaven forbid) instant coffee that is palatable to the unsuspecting recipient. But how to make a – and I legitimately do not even know the correct terminology here– filter (?) barista (?) frothy (?) cup of coffee? I honestly haven’t the faintest idea.

I can already hear the collective gasp of the Pistachio team when they read this for the first time and I hide behind my computer screen in shame as they whisper:

“I knew there was something strange about her”
“You think you know someone – and then this…”
“Wow, I can’t believe she’s been sitting next to us this entire time and we had no idea – disgraceful.”
“Never trust anyone with a fringe”

Well no one is perfect ok guys? But I’m ready to make amends, I’m finally ready to speak up and ask, “How does one make a good cup of coffee?”

The reason that this question is so important is twofold, 1) I am an adult, it is simply not acceptable to not know how to do this and 2) Making coffee for your colleagues is an important part of office culture, encourages a positive team dynamic and acts as an appropriate way to support, comfort and cheer up your fellow co-workers (without actually touching them – very important fact).

Think about it, if everyone was like me and living in the dark ages, surreptitiously supping from their sad little bottles of water in the corner, terrified of offering to make a cup of coffee, we’d all be living in a bleaker world. This is 2017 and coffee is the modern-day heroine of the productive office – especially the digitally creative kind! Don’t believe me? Well read on munchkins…

Scientific studies have proven that taking regular coffee breaks at work can drastically increase team spirit, improve the work environment and even ignite a spike in productivity. Encouraging this time allows employees the chance to give their brains a rest from the sometimes-hectic rhythms of office life and engage on a social level with their team members. We don’t all need to be scientists to know that our brains can’t be ‘on’ all the time, and taking the time to relax, re-centre and re-connect with colleagues is often the moments when our minds store knowledge, gain new energy, and most importantly – create new ideas!

So, let me bring this back to the most pressing of matters – if coffee is the glue that holds us all together, gets us talking to each other and keeps our minds focused during important meetings – then surely it is important that we ALL know how to make a delicious and quality cup of the good stuff?

So, there it is folks, I will endeavour to make all of your lives better, happier and more productive simply by learning this most sacred of arts – wish me luck!

Fancy seeing what we get up to in our Marlow based coffee-cove when we’re jacked up on the good stuff? Take a look at some of our most recent work here, and don’t forget to tweet, like and connect with us!

Click here for some more facts about office productivity and coffee that inspired this piece.