10th December 2020
by Charlotte Wilson
Christmas, Communications, Funny
You’re either trying to deny that it’s happening or you put your tree up on November 30th ready to call it a year. Either way, Christmas is here and with it the most wonderful time of the year… and boy what a year it’s been.
The one thing we can probably all agree on is that Christmas 2020 is going to look a little different – and by now, we should all be well versed in doing things differently in order to get by. But, if you need a helping hand on how to survive a festive season that really, really doesn’t want you to spread a little bit of anything this year, then read on for our official guide to Xmas 2020…
Leave Santa alone – If you didn’t read that in the guise Chris Crocker’s emotional 2007 Britney plea then you’re clearly not a millennial nor are you emotionally invested in the plight of Britney Spears – both of which are ok (allegedly). But, the truth is, with tiers and social bubbles coming at you from every angle, then going to visit Santa at his shopping centre grotto this year probably isn’t at the top of your priority list.
If you’re feeling the absence of a Santa-shaped knee to sit on this Christmastime, rather than risking a Covid-19 shaped stain on your jewel coloured corduroys, why not dress your partner/sibling/parent/insert-legal-social-bubble-comrade here as the big guy in red instead? Then, ply them with booze and sugar and convince them to buy you your entire Amazon wish list on their Amex while they’re under the influence.
That’s clearly a joke, if you live with someone with an Amex card then obviously tie them up, steal their identity and hop on the next flight to Dubai.
The Nativity 2.0 – We know that nothing says Christmas quite like a good nativity replay. But, unfortunately for 2020, many an undiscovered young actor will have to go without taking centre stage in an avant-garde production of the immaculate conception this time around. And, we are truly devastated. Nothing has suffered more than the arts this year and if you can’t celebrate Christmas by watching minors act out the tale of the young Virgin Mary giving birth to the child of an ancient deity in an unsanitary stable full of donkeys and old men – then my word we are all doomed.
But alas, do not fear because all is not lost. For those of you who are still allowed to mix households on Xmas day, why not hold a window nativity scene in the front room? The neighbours will be enthralled (and terrified), expletives will be conveniently hidden by the double glazing and Dad’s will save on electricity by having people as decorations instead of robotic light-up ones.
PPE under the tree – Traditionally, we’re all told that Santa would really like it if you left him some milk and cookies as a thank you for delivering a sack full of presents. Or, if your parents were born after 1950, then a tumbler of whiskey and some bourbon laced mince pies will likely do instead. However, this year Santa is pretty compromised. Being an impressive, 1,749 years old, St Nick is most definitely in the vulnerable category and therefore we must make sure that we are doing everything we can to protect his risqué delivery pursuit this year.
Therefore, on Christmas Eve, simply leave out some well-made PPE and an apple-cinnamon scented hand-sanitizer and Santa will be forever grateful – especially if you save the single malt for Daddio.
Elf? Not on this shelf – We’ll keep this one short. Elf on the shelf might have been a hot Christmas trend in recent years, but seeing as many of the supermarket shelves were left inexcusably barren this year, why not follow suit and leave sweet FA on the shelf as well? You’re welcome.
Queen’s Speech – Every year at 3pm we sit down to watch her Majesty the Queen deliver her Christmas Day speech. This year however, we think it’s time that Liz takes the day off, awaits her vaccine and drinks a well-deserved double G&T. Instead we get to watch every current cabinet minister take it in turns to narrate, via the medium of contemporary dance, how well they think this year has gone.
There you have it, our comprehensive survival guide for Christmas 2020. We know that this year hasn’t been the easiest and that there are still many more obstacles to overcome before we can welcome back a world that we once knew. However, we hope that we can all still see the year out with a little festive spirit intact and enjoy the last few weeks of 2020 by looking forward to, and making big plans, for 2021.
If you’d like to get the wheels in motion for your 2021 campaign, why not get in touch with us today? We’d love to hear all about it…